Monthly Archives: February 2014

Snow Blows

You know how I’ve been really happy to be home ever since I got home?  I’m still happy to be here, so don’t misconstrue this, but there is one thing about the Midwest that I had almost forgotten sucks REALLY hard: winter.  Korean winters were crap, but that was mostly because it was cold, windy, and I had to walk everywhere.  In the entire time I lived there, I saw about six inches of snow, total.  We saw almost six inches here yesterday.

The winter of 2013-2014 has been the worst in probably 15-20 years, according to the weather and just about everyone you ask on the street.  We’ve had consistent snow cover since December, pretty much.  We have over a foot on the ground right now.  What the hell is the Deep South complaining about?  They get a little ice and half an inch and think the world is ending.  We get 10 inches and still have to drive our asses to work, slip-sliding around and hoping that the jackass next to us who thinks that 4WD makes him invincible doesn’t crash into us.

The constant snow has been depressing.  The kids have had about 39 snow days, which makes things hard on working parents.  One of them wasn’t even a snow day; it was because it was so damn cold, the district deemed it unsafe for kids to walk to school, so everyone had to stay home.  Apparently trashy parents don’t adequately dress their children.  Seriously?!  When the wind chill is -20, put on a damn hat and coat.  But between that, shoveling the insane driveway at my folks’ house (it’s a beast, and it has dips and low spots that fill with ice under the snow), bundling Brett every time we step foot near the door, and trying to drive through the roads, which barely seem to get plowed (I think Jacksonville ran out of salt and/or just gave up), it’s been a recipe for a long, depressing winter.  Everyone is ready for it to be over.

But it snowed again yesterday, and I hear it might snow again today.  It’s supposed to get into the 50s next week, but I’m honestly not sure it’ll be enough to melt the ridiculous amount of snow that is covering, well, everything.  My husband keeps asking me why we moved here if I wanted to avoid depressing weather.  Well, I still think northern Europe has more depressing weather, and in fairness, this has been a bit of a fluke winter.  I mean, Midwestern winters are almost never a treat, but this one has been particularly horrible.

I’ve decided that when we get old, there is no way in hell that we’re staying here.  And here’s my plan: crab shack in Key West.  I’m going to open a bar and crab shack on the beach in Key West and live like Jimmy Buffett.  I’m only going to serve three things: cheap beer, tequila shots, and crabs.  If you want a drink with an umbrella in it, head on down the beach.  If you want to hang out with a motley crew of weird people who like to drink cheap beer and eat crabs while hanging around half nude, regardless of physical condition, come to my crab shack.  It’s going to be a happening place.  And yes, there might be hurricanes, but you know what there isn’t?  SNOW.  There will be only the beautiful, white sand beaches of Key West, retirees, and random, drunk tourists who like crabs.  I’m there.

But until my savings allow me to buy a shack near the beach and get a lease on a shack where I can cook crabs, I guess I’m going to have to endure my choice to live in the Midwest, and that includes having to endure the craptacular winters.  I’m hoping next year will be mild.  I’m also hoping that the Farmers’ Almanac is wrong about there being snow until March.  If there is snow on the ground when I pop out this next baby, I’m going to be pissed.  I’m okay with the baby being born during a spring tornado, but not during a spring snowstorm…