2016: Year in Review

Well, folks, we are effectively 14 days out from 2017, and you know what that means: it’s time for everyone to look back on the shit that they didn’t accomplish in the last year, moan and complain about it, and then continue on being the same cunts they’ve always been.  I would say that I’ll be no exception to that rule, but actually… I’ve come a long way this last year.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.  A lot of the time, I feel like I’m stuck in first gear, spinning my tires, rocking the damn car back and forth through the snow, trying to get myself unstuck.  Sometimes it feels like one step forward and two steps back.  I then have to remind myself that this is how it feels on the micro level, but when you allow yourself to step back and look at the macro – evaluate the big picture – suddenly things look a little bit different.

It would be easy to focus on the things that didn’t go right this year.  I’m still single.  I’m still fat.  I still suck at bringing in the mail every day.  I still need to tweak my budget tighter.  I still need to work on my focus, my patience, my gratitude, and getting the damn laundry folded every weekend.

There is a lot that has gone right this year, though.  I have taught myself how the Forex market works.  To someone who doesn’t know jack about Forex, that probably doesn’t seem like so much, but trust me, it is.  I have a really solid trading system that is reliable, although I need to exhibit more patience and pay more attention to some of the mathematical details.  I am training myself to be more conscientious in my work and less attached to the outcome in relation to my own self-image.  I am doing something that most people will not and, in some cases, cannot do.  I have learned so much, and I have infinitely more still to learn, but I am actually immensely proud of myself for coming as far as I have.  This is something I have done on my own.  It is mine and mine alone, and I am so glad that I stuck with it.

I have lost about 65-70 pounds.  I had hoped to lose more, but that’s okay.  I’m setting the goal to meet or exceed that amount for 2017.  That will bring me a lot closer to where I want to be.  I am happy with what I’ve accomplished.

One of the best things I have done, by miles, is buy the basic course for Gymnastic Bodies (gymnastic strength training).  I’m pretty sure this isn’t part of their advertising campaign, and I can’t technically vouch for it because, uh, you know, I don’t get out much, but I am 99% confident that you will have better sex if you do even the basic course.  Ever had wrist pain from topping?  This will take care of that without you having to lose weight.  You will feel your triceps again.  You will be able to contort yourself into interesting positions and plank like there’s no tomorrow.  Seriously, guys, I didn’t realize how much of a mess I was until I started doing it.  I love it, it’s fun, and if you do it, you’ll get results.  And possibly more ass, once your muscles start to show.

And oh hey, I got divorced.  Most people would call that a lose, but I’m calling that a major win.  I married someone who was totally wrong for me.  He’s an ass.  A miserable, delusional, emotionally abusive ass.  I love our kids, but I will never for a second regret getting that gorilla off my back.  If you are in a horrible relationship that you know isn’t going to get better, take it from me: get the fuck out.  Just do it.  Don’t wait.  Get out.  Life is so goddamn short.  We all owe it to ourselves to find the best possible happiness for ourselves, and we should not be in relationships (of any kind, romantic or otherwise) with people that don’t bring anything to the table.  You should be adding value to others’ lives, and they should be doing the same for you.

My kids are (mostly) healthy.  Yeah, they have colds and ear infections and the usual crap, but they are healthy.  There have been several families in the area this year lose young children to cancer or other horrible illnesses.  My kids are healthy and happy.  They are each others’ best friends, they laugh every day, they give hugs and kisses, and they are all three incredibly loving.  Huge.  So huge.  So important and so easy to take for granted.

I changed my name.  That is something I wanted to do for a long time.  I’m still getting used to it.  I ordered my new driver’s license back in November, and it still hasn’t gotten here.  I had to reorder it last week and got treated like a criminal for it, but hey. Government.  DMV.  Point is, I’m glad that I did that because I had wanted to do it for a long time, and I feel good about it.

I’m starting to work on restarting the libertarian blog that I used to write, way back before the kids.  I’m actually going to pay for site hosting and try to effectively monetize it this time around.  I’ll probably make some attempt to put together an a free ebook or something of that nature to go along with it to get it going, so it’s not going to happen immediately, as it’s going to take me some time to get the material written, proofread, and into a reasonably pleasing format.  I have no idea, realistically, how long that is going to take.  Probably quite a while.  Putting together quality content takes time, and with everything else I have going on, well, you can’t expect it overnight.  Unless I do get that Adderall prescription… Jokes, jokes!

I have spent enough time playing my guitar that I have learned a few new, recognizable songs.  I still suck, but I get a lot of enjoyment out of it, and I’m making decent progress, given how few hours I put into it.

I have started keeping a notebook.  Well, I have like, three (main, goals/meditation, Forex), but I have one main notebook that acts as a kind of datebook cum planner cum journal.  I write everything in it: grocery lists, to do lists, quotes, books I want to read, funny things I hear, new bands or singers I hear and want to add to the playlist, and whatever else I feel like putting in there.  I find that writing things down helps me remember them better, but it also gives me documentation for things that I’m doing that do or don’t work.  For someone who likes to write as much as I do, the notebook is immensely helpful.  I really want to buy a fountain pen to go with it.  I’m thinking the Lamy Safari will be a good investment.  I hear they’re bulletproof, and they get good ratings.

I survived a partial remodel of the house.  Okay, it was really just repainting and laying laminate floors, but with three kids, that basically qualifies.  One of the dumb girls at work, who is single and childless, said, “Well, that’s no big deal.  I know lots of people who do home remodeling projects with kids.”  Yeah, bitch, but they also have husbands helping out with moving the furniture around and who probably know more about how drills and hammers work than I do.  My grandfather taught me many manly arts, but home repair was not one of them.  Anyway, moral of the story is that I got new floors and new paint, and the house looks like something from this century now.

This is the point where I have to consider what I want for next year.  I’m not making resolutions because I don’t know that I want to change anything so much as improve upon what’s already happening.  … I guess for the sake of the argument, we can call them resolutions.

  1. Lose another 60-70 lbs.
  2. Continue making a profit in Forex demo and, after a few more months, fund a real account.
  3. Don’t lose the money invested in a real Forex account
  4. Run more consistently
  5. Get the AnCap blog back up and running and make sure it’s monetized from the start
  6. Write a small ebook to accompany said blog
  7. Continue practice of meditation
  8. Make my bed every day
  9. Do one thing per week that makes me uncomfortable
  10. Attach less personal meaning to outcomes
  11. Read more
  12. Tweak the budget
  13. Write more letters and send more cards to people
  14. Bring in the mail every day
  15. Find a nice guy to date who is preferably smarter than me, likes some of the same things, can talk on many subjects of general interest, and is good in bed.  I am not sure the man exists who fits this description and is willing to date me, but I’m nothing if not a persistent hunter.
  16. Finish outlining the narrative book that I have had in mind to write for at least five years now.  Maybe finish 1-3 chapters and then heavily edit.

These are all attainable goals.  Some are small.  Others are big.  I am really excited about all of the projects I have in mind to continue to take on afresh.  The main thing I want, however, is to keep my forward momentum.  Losing momentum is like stagnating or even going backwards, and that I can’t abide.

I don’t know where the holidays and New Year are finding all of you, but I hope that it’s a good place.  And if it’s not a good place, I hope that you will be able to get some headspace and turn things around.  Something I had heard before but never really believed until somewhat recently was that sometimes the greatest setbacks in our lives have a way of being the catalyst for the greatest successes.  If you are currently in the midst of a setback, I hope that you will come to see how the obstacle can be turned to your favor.

This last part that I would like to share is a transcription of something handwritten in “the notebook” from 12/13.  I have been doing a particular type of meditation the last several nights to help let go of some things that are overdue to be sent on down the river.  I wrote this for myself and had not intended, at the time I wrote it, to publish it in any way.  I have no idea what the title means; it just seemed right at the time.  In any case, there was a good lesson in it for me.  I hope at least one person will find it useful, interesting, helpful, or minimally pleasant to read and not too preachy.  (Remember, I did write it for/to myself, and I like to preach to myself.)  See you in 2017!  Peace, love, and anarchy.

 

“The Landing”

I have had two sessions of the […] meditation now, and in both sessions, the life lesson repeated to me was the same:

To thine own self be true.

This has so many meanings, and I’m just now putting it together: people love me best when I’m my honest, authentic self.  Don’t hide who you are.  Don’t change your own goals to suit someone else that doesn’t share and support your vision.  Be true to you.  Go after your stupid dreams, get after it every day, say what you really think/feel in a constructive way, leave room to get really fucking angry, and don’t ever, EVER settle for less than your market value.

This means that you will not please everybody all the time.  This means feelings will get hurt.  This means that people won’t always see your vision, understand your words, or share your goals.  That’s fine.  They are not writing the story: you are.

You are the author of this tale.  You alone will determine whether it is a tragedy or a comedy, an adventure or a doldrums, a few scribbles on a forgotten page, or a masterpiece destined for a space on the shelf of honored history.  This requires your authenticity.

Be you.  Every single day.

You may not attract the masses, but your cult following is already cut from the best cloth.  Birds of a feather… Your tapestry is woven.  Don’t relegate it to a dark corner; showcase it.

Love yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  Make time for yourself.  Most importantly, be your most authentic self.

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About Marge

I started this blog when I was an American expat living in Changwon, South Korea. I also spent time in France and Germany, and a good portion of my twenties were spent overseas. I clicked my heels together back in 2013 and decided there was no place like home, home being Jacksonville, Illinois. We'll see how I feel in another two years. My ex-husband and I met in Korea. He's English, and we have three daughters together. He's there, and the kids and I are here. When I'm not wearing the "Mom" hat, I enjoy reading, writing, playing my 12-string guitar, sailing, canoeing, and various other nerdy pursuits. I like bourbon and beer, music and concerts, good conversation, museums of all sorts, beaches, comfortable tennis shoes and Chacos, libertarian political theory, and creme brûlée. The Rons are my heroes - Ron Paul and Ron Swanson. I hate Radiohead, home parties, that weird peachy hairspray smell from Bath & Body Works that makes me gag, SJW logic (there is none), and giant rims.

Posted on December 17, 2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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